Adrift

 

My mom was born in San Francisco on November 26, 1921 to immigrant parents. Her dad was from Bornholm, Denmark and her mom from Logroño, Spain. She passed away quietly in her sleep yesterday morning at 3:15 a.m. Hawaii time. My siblings are spread out all over the globe, Indonesia, Caribbean, Washington and Oregon and I am feeling adrift, disconnected, spaced out. Mom was 92 and had lived a full life (how could she not with 5 kids?) so her passing is not untimely or unexpected. Still, I'm in shock and feel a void. She was a vibrant, intelligent, informed woman and we had many long and captivating conversations. We also shared many laughs, long hard belly laughs until tears streamed. She was supportive but not pushy and she was kind. I'm thankful that I apologized profusely to her for being such a shitty teenager. I'm thankful that I assured her that all of her kids were healthy and happy and that she didn't have to worry about us or hold on just for our sake. I'm thankful I talked to her the day before she passed and she sounded happy to hear my voice. She was lucid and I had no idea that would be our last conversation but my last words to her were I love you and her last to me, I love you too.
Years ago when she moved into a nursing home and I cleared her things from her apartment I found a poem she had copied in her impeccable graceful cursive, tucked into a notebook. I love you mom. Farewell.

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,

I am following the path God laid for me.

I took his hand when I heard him call,

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way.

I found that place at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with time of sorrow,

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savored much,

Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,

God wanted me now, He set me free.

Author unknown.