On Infedelity

I’ve written this before. I don’t think it is inherently in man’s nature to be monogamous. I’ve been watching the Netflix series Grace and Frankie. It’s a crack up. I love it, especially as I approach 60 and can relate more to people in their 70’s; especially as a single woman nearing her 60’s. The last episode I watched dealt with infidelity and this particular infidelity caused one half of a couple to say, “Get out”. Without thinking, without conversation. They had been together 20 years but had just gotten married, and he says, “Get out”. Well, I say “what the fuck?” People stray, people make mistakes, people get bored or afraid or uncertain or insecure. I’m not talking about chronic infidelity, that’s just rude. But show me a middle-aged man (or woman for that matter) in the United States who hasn’t strayed or at least seriously considered it and I will show you an anomaly. Why do we fight it? Why do we insist that a person should only be with one person for-fucking-ever? Why do we continue to condemn those who only do what is natural, who only follow their instincts? Why would you throw someone out with the trash whom you had just committed to for life? OK, so it’s just TV. So maybe it’s not that cut and dried in real life but I do know people who would not forgive infidelity. But shouldn’t we always forgive? Shouldn’t we consider the history with a person and the love that is there and is real, and throw away the other, inconsequential, affair? Shouldn’t we stop obsessing over indiscretion caused by overwhelming physical instincts taking hold? I say instincts because we are, after all, animals, and animals instinctively mate and procreate. Shouldn’t we overlook a proverbial drop in the bucket of a relationship? Shouldn’t we open our hearts to all aspects of our loved ones, the stable and loyal, and the lost and faltering? Shouldn’t we offer solace and assistance to a loved one that has strayed, offer guidance, support and the unconditional love that was once promised? I guess it’s easy for me to say since I have never really been in that position. Oh, I’ve been cheated on, but not by someone who I belonged with or cared that much about anyway. I have never strayed myself, but perhaps that is why I have also never had a relationship longer than 4 years. Because when I felt the need to stray I simply left. Wouldn’t it perhaps have been better if I had explored other avenues then returned to the truly compatible? Wouldn’t it be better to stay with tried and true love? Wouldn’t it be better to forgive, and not necessarily forget, but to move on and through and grow, and grow stronger together? 

I don’t really have the answers. Obviously I’m no relationship expert since, besides that one 4-year relationship, all my others have only made it to 2 years. So take this entry, as you will. Comment if you will. Condemn me or agree with me. But do consider this, would you give up the love of your life for one false step?