Maui No Ka Oi

People still ask me why I left Maui. People assume I got “Rock Fever” or “Island Fever”. People ask if I felt it was too small there, nowhere to go, no space. But here, now, I feel Island Fever. I have a sense of claustrophobia I can’t shake. There is STUFF all around me, PEOPLE all around me, CARS and BUILDINGS all around me. Even a year and a half later I’m adjusting to this urban clusterfuck. I live in a big house with a big yard. There are miles and miles of open space, trails and a mountain, (really more of a hill, compared to Haleakala) in my back yard. But the sense of congestion is still prevalent. The territory still seems small. I miss the sense of space that having a vast ocean all the way around me gave. It was comforting to me. It was also a comfort to float myself in that ocean, to power myself through it while watching the wildlife on the reef below me. I miss my brown skin and I miss walking around half naked all the time, completely naked in my own house. I SO miss my friends there who are like family to me. My rubber slippers are dusty. My bikinis have worked their way to the bottom of my workout wear drawer. I still use words like pau, hapai and kapakahi and people give me funny looks not knowing what I’m saying but not wanting to interrupt and ask.

Don’t get me wrong; I love a lot about this place. I love being able to visit my auntie and cousins and nephew who live close by now. I love my new job. I love the view from my cozy room and of course my buddies, new and old that I hang with here. But I am still homesick. All the time. Someone said it takes three years to put down new roots, to really feel transplanted. I don’t want new roots. I don’t want to fully transplant. I can’t claim to be Hawaiian or even to feel like a Hawaiian but I am still and will always be full on Local Haole, Kama’aina, Hawaiian at heart.

I will return to Maui. Probably after I retire. Maui has been home since I first stepped foot on it when I was nine years old, a very long time ago. 

Maui no ka oi.