Out of the Ironman Frying Pan, Into the Ultra Fire

After much stress, contemplation, soul searching, angst, feeling like a failure, etc…. I have decided to drop out of the Honu half Ironman in June. I keep running into roadblocks with my still healing broken foot with pain flaring up again. I had a bad cold leading to ear issues and vertigo which has kept me out of the water. And then there is the time factor. I have so many other things in my schedule taking priority right now, that I was stressed about fitting in the training.

Whether these issues are beyond my control or manifesting because of my lack of sincere desire to do the race doesn’t matter. This morning I sat still in meditation. I focused on how my body and psyche felt when I thought about the Ironman compared to when I thought about trail running. The difference was tangible. When I brought the Ironman to mind I felt my stomach and jaw tense, my brow furrow. I felt worry, doubt, and resistance. When I thought of trail running, the tension eased, the corners of my mouth turned up and I felt joy. I felt free and light and sane. The thought of hours of training on trails lights me up. The thought of hours of training on pavement makes my shoulders droop.

So I just signed up for my second 50k trail race in Washington in October.

I realized that I didn't sign up for the Ironman because I really wanted to do it. The only reason I signed up at all was because a friend said, “I’ll do it if you do it.” And when I thought of all my other friends that were doing it I had a moment of FOMO (that nasty Fear Of Missing Out) and when I got home and saw that my friend had indeed signed up I thought, “Well…I guess I’m doing this.”

Before I left the mainland I had signed up for the Lavaman Olympic distance triathlon which took place today. I had never really wanted to do another 70.3. With my foot acting the way it is I’m glad I backed out of that shorter one months ago. And now that I’ve made my decision to drop Honu I feel such relief. I will still enjoy long bike rides and ocean swims and even ice baths but I won’t be stressed about it. 

I have not done a trail run or been to Haleakala since I returned to Maui because I knew I had to train on roads to get my body ready to pound the pavement. But it wasn’t making me happy. I REALLY want to be on those trails!!  So an October race gives me more time to heal my foot and ear, more time to train and it makes me super joyful to know I’ll be in the woods, in the crater, in the jungle and not sharing space with cars on the roads. 

Check out Baker Lake 50k. 

And check out some of my happy places below.